“Wait, Is This a romantic date?” Podcast particular Episode: 2021 Mailbag | Autostraddle
Grateful getaways! By “happy” What i’m saying is, situations positive sense really bad today?? & Most people likely have got our very own trip plans changed again?? But fortunately our very own present for you is actually a virtual one AKA our very own long-awaited mailbag episode!
We get into hard emotions surrounding non-monogamy, imaginary figures we’d wish in the pod, and so much more. Thanks to any or all whom sent in concerns!
PROGRAM RECORDS
+ Here you will find the lip recs from Christina!
Very nearly Lipstick from Clinique
and
Powder Puff Lippie from NYX
.
+ whether or not it feels very good,
do it
.
+ you simply can’t watch Barbara Hammer flicks online in case you’re in LA you can observe Nitrate Kisses in theatres the following month
for free
.
+
Scissoring merch
! Get your scissoring merch!
+ An essay on
Paul Takes the type of a Mortal woman
and
my own brand of sluttiness
.
+ Ro’s
piece on dental dams.
+
The Novice
has gone out today! enjoy it!
Drew:
I Found Myself speaking with my father of most folks—
Christina:
Providing dads into this room!
Drew:
I am aware — about becoming happy. And dad was like, “Oh, well, do you really believe it is because here is the basic relationship that you’ve obtained into as yourself?
Christina:
Firstly, father, that’s thus nice!
Drew:
I know! Really nice dad comment.
Christina:
Set off, master!
Drew:
And that I ended up being like — really amusing to phone dad master.
Theme song plays
Drew:
Hi, I Am Drew!
Christina:
And That I’m Christina! Referring to a podcast that we forgot the intro to already.
Drew:
That is fine! It’s been some time.
Christina:
Woohoo, it offers.
Drew:
This is exactly
Hold off, So Is This a romantic date?
Christina:
Yes, that podcast.
Drew:
I’ll analysis part. Welcome to
Hold off, So Is This a romantic date?
An Autostraddle podcast exactly about intercourse and internet dating as queer people with queer individuals, hopefully. How, exactly how was we carrying out?
Christina:
No, i do believe you’re crushing it. I believe what’s truly interesting about any of it event so is this is our mailbag event where we will end up being taking concerns away from you, all of our audience. A lot of you sent in voice memos and email messages, therefore possess content together with questions and ideally the solutions, but like, I, I’m not going to state any such thing too insane. Really don’t wanna get too outlandish, you know?
Drew:
Yeah. We are questioning with you. Should we — after all, this probably isn’t people’s basic episode, in instance individuals skipped united states, you are sure that, launching ourselves, perhaps that’s someone’s favorite area of the podcast. Therefore I think we have to introduce ourselves.
Christina:
Yeah, absolutely.
Drew:
Okay, cool. I’ll get initial. I’m called Drew Gregory. I am a writer and a filmmaker and a queer individual. We however identify as a lesbian, but i have been utilizing that term less, which can be maybe something which i could unpack on a future occurrence. We however was a lesbian, but In addition are love, precisely what does that even mean? You realize? I am not sure. Brands tend to be funny, but I’m fairly positive that I’m a writer. I am very positive that I’m a filmmaker. Uh, how about you?
Christina:
Yeah. Uh, I am Christina Tucker, an author at Autostraddle in addition. I will be also a queer individual. I began actually using “queer” a lot more whenever I very first arrived now I prefer lesbian possibly equally. I am also very, i recently variety of utilize whatever word feels right, coming out of my mouth when you look at the moment. And I don’t really think about this far more than that. But that’s a journey all of us are on, honestly.
Drew:
I help that. I do believe sums upwards whom our company is, that I’m similar, “i’ll need revisit this as time goes on.” And you are similar, “I just type of enjoy everything I think and do not want to think more and more it.”
Christina:
We quite virtually pick the word that works well best for the little bit, so…
Drew:
Well, yeah. In order you stated, it is our very own mailbag occurrence. Should we simply enter initial — oh, In addition need to say before we begin that in the event that you delivered united states a question and in addition we aren’t getting to it, it could be since there happened to be specific things which were like, oh, I would like to unpack this on a future complete episode, perhaps with a unique visitor that would be more, you know, possibly a lot more qualified to resolve it. Therefore We truly value all the questions—
Christina:
All of you sent most concerns, that has been cool, but we would n’t have time to arrive at every single one of these.
Drew:
Yeah. Nevertheless they were all study.
Christina:
In addition to some of you just delivered united states compliments without concerns.
Drew:
And, you understand, generally with — if this was actually a Q&A before or after a film, it’d end up like, you should not praise the individual. There’s a complete market right here, however for this, the actual only real audience was Christina and I and Lauren. And therefore truly, comments, great. Thank you much. Really, great.
Christina:
Exciting to get, really among my major meals teams.
Drew:
Thus yeah, let us start off with the most important concern. For the vocals memo, the person claims that they’re semi-closeted, so we’re gonna leave out names only to end up being secure right here. And why don’t we listen to this question.
Anonymous Asker:
Making this originating from somebody who has no knowledge about dating whatsoever, largely because i am semi-closeted and residing out in the primarily conventional boonies. Whenever I graduate high school, I’m making this place therefore I can have a taste of independence. And I also’m realizing that i will be going into the queer dating realm. This is a rather common question, but how do we ask a girl out the very first time without dropping into an entire on anxiety attack? As you’re able tell, i am very bad at conversing with men and women.
Drew:
It is an age-old, age-old question. Truly.
Christina:
It is actually. I seriously believe it is why we have a podcast.
Drew:
Yeah. What i’m saying is, personally i think like we type of know in which i will go with this, in fact it is like, it’s about recognizing the point that no body’s effective in this? What i’m saying is, possibly folks eventually get great at it because you do it adequate while kind of squander the — what is actually it — the exposure therapy or whatever — but like, it’s among those circumstances where you just do it therefore gets easier. And myself, prior to we was released — i am talking about, to explain, I was inquiring girls out before we arrived because of the total becoming a trans person thing. As soon as i do believe towards early days of whenever I kept my personal bad small-town and moved off to college and was truly inquiring men and women away, I really got a tremendously drive method and extremely was similar, “Hello, would you like to carry on a night out together?” And that I believe over the years, I relocated from that a bit. But I in all honesty nevertheless, we nevertheless think sometimes it’s great to simply end up being immediate and inquire someone out, and you get an obvious solution. I am talking about, you might carry out the thing in which you only begin obscure and inquire anyone to spend time and you simply, you understand, play a,
Hold off, Is This a night out together
video game for awhile.
Christina:
Appropriate. Fingers crossed, I hope that information results in. In addition think in a situation, like for me, once I began matchmaking, when I ended up being queer dating, I found myself away from school, way out of my personal hometown, but I was doing many online dating via apps which does lower the awkwardness since it is like, we all know whatever you’re right here for. Although In my opinion you’ll find obviously downsides to almost any online best bi curious dating apps, much like anything else in daily life, i actually do believe that type of removing that buffer of love, oh no, exactly how uncomfortable is this gonna be? Like, can it be going to be like, no, it really is, that is what this is the program for which you have come to. After which once you, once you make hangout ask, it does always realize that it is a night out together for the reason that it’s the reason we’re all here. Vibing.
Drew:
That’s a point.
Christina:
What i’m saying is, i actually do recognize that truly — such as that sense of love, “Oh no, this really is will be thus embarrassing because I’m so uncomfortable.” But seriously the times We have believed super embarrassing, honestly, many people are similar to, that was charming. Thus don’t believe regarding the awkwardness merely in love, this really is shameful and everyone hates me personally. Folks are like, that’s awkward, but it is sorts of lovely. And I also carry out wanna continue a night out together to you. A couple of things may be true. In my opinion which is breathtaking.
Drew:
Best shown. Yeah. Yeah. I think we have this notion that in the event that you ask somebody on, you need to be like major leading electricity Shane-style, and it’s really like, no, you’ll ask somebody aside as an awkward individual, and that’s an alternate make of hot, but it’s still, it’s still among the many companies.
Christina:
There are lots of brands of hot.
Drew:
Yeah.
Christina:
Wow. That Is really stunning.
Drew:
Great. Really, let us move on to another concern that will be coming from Claire from Australia.
Claire:
Hey, I’ve loved paying attention to all of you from this point in Queensland, Australian Continent, and had a concern for each people in fact. Christina, what is this non-transferable lip lining which you use on an initial date, and in which should I buy it? And Drew, your own website is a little more complicated. How do you understand when you should pay attention to the hard thoughts that come right up during a non-monogamous scenario once to be hired through all of them?
Christina:
Wow. I enjoy that I get a lip and also you get hard emotions. I believe which is an extremely gorgeous. I will get very first and give you a while to think about the tough thoughts. So there’s a couple of variations of a non-transferable lip. Whenever I was a student in my youthfulness back the outdated mid-aughts, when everyone was just addicted to dressed in a matte lip stick, I did lots of, like, Stila mattes are pretty non-transferable. But discover finished . I’m growing old. My personal epidermis is getting drier. I cannot end up being sporting a matte lip that way and not having a dried away lip moment. So now we have moved into a stain, that is truly cook’s hug. Result in it could get somewhat must, but no body really sees, however look great. Currently a huge follower of Clinique. Their black honey is actually an amazing any as well as the Knicks lippie powder-puff, a lot of tones, fades beautifully. A great lip stain. Get forth while making on your own dates with great mouth. That’s all Needs for all actually. Today, Drew, keep in touch with me about difficult thoughts.
Drew:
Tough emotions in non-monogamous connections. Wow. Yeah. Therefore a fun thing that occurred within the hiatus that people’ve had thus far is the fact that i’ve a girlfriend now.
Christina:
She is incredible!
Drew:
Yeah. I’m actually, truly happy. I’m merely, i’m like everyday type of studying brand new definitions of exactly what relationships and really love and gender is generally, while having not already been anywhere near this much of a romantic since I have was at senior high school and it also ended up being all theoretical. Very, i am very happy, love to share that. I’m love, fine. But additionally what goes on when you’re, you understand, in a relationship that you worry about rather than, you realize, only having hookups and fillings and material, is that you are checking much more with your own personal limits along with your lover’s boundaries as much as everything discuss. And look, this could possibly be items that i did not show. And I also simply moved into the question and was unclear, but this is certainly my personal version of getting open when you are similar, outlining like certain factors why i may end up being obscure in the podcast going forward, because I do think in fact it is necessary inside our parasocial interactions we with people just who compose or individuals who have podcasts that like, I don’t know, to generally share this stuff, to generally share like how I determine my personal borders, particularly as somebody who writes and talks about gender very graphically. Anyways, so all of that as a preamble to the question—
Christina:
Context is king. That’s what we are always stating.
Drew:
In fact it is to declare that like, after all, in a manner, like I’m, i am inside my first union, like as a person who’s available about being non-monogamous and navigating can et cetera. And I also believe only speaking generally, like every union is actually its very own dialogue. And with the people that are in that commitment, everyone else brings concerns and brings issues that are like beliefs in to the union, plus, can make compromises and contains conversations and — or does not, right after which which is yours type of that. Appropriate? I really think its particular a frustrating solution, but it’s type of similar, you have to both consult with your self and consult with your spouse or lovers, and determine sort of, you realize, something necessary for you, you realize, in case you are somebody who’s monogamous and you also begin dating a person that’s non-monogamous, is that anything you may get familiar with? Exist specific factors that make you comfortable? Is it more comfortable for you personally as soon as companion shacks up with some body that you all know and it is informal and it is whatever, or can you, could it possibly be convenient if they have other relationships, nonetheless’re maybe not surrounding you after all? Or like all these — absolutely many techniques to have non-monogamous interactions. And I have no idea if you should be inquiring this from the perspective of someone who’s really free in non-monogamy and is also potentially internet dating someone that isn’t, or vice versa. But I think that is typically a — i will not actually state a conflict, it is simply part of being non-monogamous, I think, is people have various interactions to non-monogamy.
Christina:
Yeah.
Drew:
For me personally, i really could date a person that had several lovers. But usually with non-monogamy, my personal perfect should be to go out some one in which I’m their own spouse, after which we are not monogamous. Basically had been as of yet some one, that isn’t the current situation that I’m in, where I happened to be online dating an individual who planned to have several lovers, i’d have to be like, okay, just what are my thoughts about it person? What exactly are my personal thoughts about how exactly this individual interacts? Do In my opinion that that will be something that can perhaps work for my situation? And figure that out. And you will find connection dynamics I could take where i am on a single conclusion and where I’m on the other side conclusion. And I believe that merely demonstrates that like, it is simply about choosing if the person you are online dating — one, should your thoughts on their behalf tend to be strong enough that it’s worthwhile, and in case you are appropriate sufficient within needs that it can work, because often you really like someone and so they love you, or you really love somebody in addition they really like you, plus it simply fails on using what the two of you wish from a relationship. And that is unfortunate, but it’s in addition simply the instance. So whether be effective through hard thoughts is gonna be situation by case. And I also genuinely believe that it is also really dependent on interaction types, because if you may have good interaction aided by the individual or people you are matchmaking, you are able to work through more than if you battle to connect. So those are my rambling ideas on this thing that i do believe about a great deal.
Christina:
I would like audience to know that for this reason I get six-minute voice memos from Drew. Though in equity, this lady has maybe not delivered myself a six-minute voice memo really lifetime.
Drew:
This has been quite a long time.
Christina:
But that’s the energy. And I also would feel i recently spoke one into life. I can not wait for the after that few days.
Drew:
Do you think it’s because i am in a relationship?
Christina:
I understand that it is.
Drew:
I am experiencing vulnerable about that today. Yeah. I am just similar, am I a bad pal given that I’m in a relationship?
Christina:
I do believe its great and delightful and wonderful and great. And I’m nearly clamoring to receive more six-minute voice memos.
Drew:
I’ll send you a six-minute sound memo about my connection. Would that be enjoyable? Would that end up being an enjoyable thing so that you could have?
Christina:
I am talking about, yes, needless to say it would. You are my buddy.
Drew:
Many thanks. Okay. Moving on.
Christina:
Shifting.
Drew:
Why don’t we see. This sound memo is actually from Julia.
Julia:
Hey Received. Hey Christina. Discover my question for y’all. Should you might have any fictional queer personality regarding pod, who does it be and exactly what matchmaking topic would you talk about? Thank you for getting these Qs! Bye!
Christina:
This might be this type of a great question.
Drew:
It is the question. My — actually, and never become very Autostraddle regarding it, but my abdomen response was like, i would really like an additional period this is certainly a lie down with every main figure of
The L Word.
And merely to be like, “What’s completely wrong along with you?”
Drew:
Yeah. Okay. Thus I’ve been creating a concerted effort in both my head and my personal writing, to speak about
The L Term
less, because i am like, absolutely a whole lot other things available to you and like, its enjoyable we have actually this usual language, {but also|but additionally|